


you still catch my eye (now you've fooled me again)

by orphan_account



Series: Joshler Christmas [2]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Christmas Eve, Christmas Party, First Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up Together, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 03:25:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9053287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Josh looked a little nervous, his hands held together shakily. His dark brown curls bounced atop his head with every step and slight tilt, and his eyes were wide and sparkly in curiosity. Tyler was no better off, for his own small and slightly chubby fingers were gripping the corner of the island so hard that it hurt. The corners of Tyler's lips curled upwards, but Josh couldn't see the gap between his front teeth yet. It seemed that neither of them wanted to participate in the Christmas party, but Tyler was mainly happy to have found someone who wasn't a freaking giant.
Or, thanks to the God awful Christmas parties hosted by the Duns, Tyler and Josh find each other.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas! Have a present from me to the AO3 Joshler family<3

The first time that Tyler found himself scattering around a stranger's house during a Christmas party was at age seven. The house was loaded with adults and teenagers, and it kind of made the kid nervous. His parents had let him go off to make other friends, but there weren't any other seven year olds around.    
  
The house was pretty big, bigger than his. He understood why the Christmas party was held here, but he didn't understand why he was there. He didn't know the family hosting it, but somehow his parents must have.    
  
When he pushed his way through a bunch of older people who had been chatting away or singing Christmas songs to each other, he made it into the kitchen. He saw a full glass of a dark substance. One warning he had been let out of sight with was: "Don't drink any of this dark stuff if it's accessible to you. It's called wine and it's not good for you."    
  
The sound of mumbling voices and two sets of footsteps from the opposite entrance of the kitchen startled him and took his attention away from the wine.   
  
"Sweetie, you can't hide in your room all day," a soft and feminine voice stood out once their words became clearer, "Make friends and have fun, I'm sure there's someone here who you'd have fun with."   
  
Tyler hid behind the other side of the island as a kid, who looked about his age, and his mom came walking through, the mom holding the son's hand, "But Mommy, there's only big kids and tall people here!" The kid whined.   
  
Tyler's face lit up in excitement and he poked half of his face out from the side of the island to look at the two other people in the room. The kid's mom noticed him and chuckled at him, then pushed the kid forward, "I think someone feels the same way, Josh," She whispered.    
  
Josh looked a little nervous, his hands held together shakily. His dark brown curls bounced atop his head with every step and slight tilt, and his eyes were wide and sparkly in curiosity. Tyler was no better off, for his own small and slightly chubby fingers were gripping the corner of the island so hard that it hurt. The corners of Tyler's lips curled upwards, but Josh couldn't see the gap between his front teeth yet. It seemed that neither of them wanted to participate in the Christmas party, but Tyler was mainly happy to have found someone who wasn't a freaking giant.   
  
"Say hi, honey." Josh's mom told Josh, then smiled sweetly at Tyler.    
  
Josh waved at him and gave a soft smile. Tyler uncovered the rest of his face, slowly, and then came out from behind the island. He gave a toothy—toothless smile to Josh and waved back shyly.    
  
"I'm going to find your father, Josh. Don't run off to the upstairs rooms unless you're in trouble," Josh's mom instructed, patting her son's curls, then walking off with a gentle clanking of her heels against the marble tile until she reached the wooden flooring.    
  
Tyler looked down to Josh's green Christmas sweater. It had a reindeer with a Christmas hat on it's head, and a big smile, "I'm Tyler," He said, then almost right after, "I like your sweater."   
  
Josh's smile grew and he looked down at his sweater, "It's so cool! My mommy and daddy bought it for me yesterday! I'm Joshua, but a lot of people call me Josh," Josh introduced.    
  
Josh's excitement made Tyler feel more comfortable around the curly haired boy. He felt warm and cozy around the other boy, just like he would if was under a fluffy blanket and next to his favorite stuffed animal. Tyler had always been more of a stay at home kid, having been homeschooled since the very start, so this party, flooded with a lot of people, hadn't sounded too good to him. But Josh was making it a little better.    
  
"A lot of people call me Tyler," Tyler replied, making Josh giggle.    
  
"I'm gonna call you Ty!" Josh grinned, one of his top and front teeth missing. The curly haired one grabbed on to Tyler's wrist and pulled him in the direction and him and his mom came from.    
  
Tyler's eyes went wide and he tugged back. Josh looked at him with a confused pout, then Tyler spoke up, "Your mommy said not to go upstairs. What if we get in trouble?" Tyler asked worriedly.    
  
Josh shrugged and continued to pull Tyler to and up the stairs, "Trouble schmubble. I don't like all those people there. They're so tall 'n mean."    
  
"'Ut my mommy and daddy are tall," Tyler said quietly, paying too much attention to Josh to focus on where he was being pulled to, "'N they love me lots! 'N I love them lots!"   
  
"I like your mommy and daddy," Josh grinned again, then opened a door at the end of the hall and pulled Tyler inside.    
  
Tyler stared up at the painted ceiling in awe. Stars and planets had been accurately painted along the ceiling, and the stars were glow in the dark. The room had book shelves lined up on one wall and a piano was on the opposite. In between the two, against another wall, was a long couch. On the opposing wall was a desk loaded with papers, the lamp on the desk being the only source of light in the room.    
  
"This is my daddy's old study room. He don't come in here anymore, but it was my favorite room so he got it painted 'ust for me."   
  
"Woah! This is awesome!" Tyler gasped, running to the couch and pushing himself onto it. Josh quickly followed him with giggles tumbling out from his soft and pink lips, "My house isn't as cool. Once my younger brother stops being a baby, I gotta share a room with him."    
  
"'M an only child. Wish I had siblings," Josh sighed, sitting on one of the cushions and making room for Tyler on the same one, "It's s'lonely. I got a babysitter 'cause my family's never home. My room is pretty big though. Wanna go in there?"   
  
"Can we stay here? I like this," Tyler requested quietly, laying down on the couch and putting his head on Josh's lap. Josh nodded and kept smiling at Tyler, "Whaddya' want for Christmas, Joshy?"    
  
"I want a huge candy bar!" Josh exclaimed, stretching his arms to gesture how big of a candy bar he wanted, "That, or a kitty. But I can't eat a kitty, so I dunno. What about you?"   
  
"I want a friend," Tyler sighed. He faintly saw Josh's expression fall, but then the curly haired one became bouncy again and he was smiling at Tyler again.   
  
"I'm your Christmas present, Ty!"   
  
"Really?" Tyler asked, sitting up and facing Josh.   
  
"Uh huh!" Josh giggled, "How old are you?"   
  
"Seven."   
  
"Me too!"   
  
"For real?"   
  
"Uh huh!"   
  


❄❄❄

  
  
"Don't go running off, Tyler!" Kelly, Tyler's mom said, but it was too late. He could hear her sigh and his father laugh, before they completely cut out and faded with the music.    
  
Eleven year old Tyler was on the hunt for his best friend of four years, the only friend he had, and the only one he ever wanted. Ever since that Christmas party four years ago, him and Josh had spent the next ones together in his dad's only study room. They made it work pretty good, considering they only saw each other around three times a year, most of their conversations being over a phone.   
  
"Josh!" Tyler called out, pulling his scarf down from his mouth so it laid around his neck and bunched below his chin. He pulled his beanie up so it didn't cover his ears and muffle everything, and eventually he could hear Josh calling back to him.   
  
"I missed you Ty!" Josh grinned, latching his arms around Tyler's neck. Josh's curls were still in tact, Tyler saw. They didn't bounce as much, but they still stuck up. Josh also had his ears piercing with sparkly red studs to match his red sweater. It had Santa and little elves on it with a white bubble that said " _Merry Christmas!_ " inside of it.    
  
"I missed you too!" Tyler sighed happily, letting himself be tugged away immediately. They traveled back to the study room with all of the lights off, and sat on the couch. Two cups on hot cocoa were set on the stands on either side of the couch, and multiple pillows and blankets covered the white couch.    
  
Josh took his cup and slipped under the blanket, leaning his back against one arm rest while Tyler copied him from the other side. Josh sipped on his cocoa a few times before speaking up, "Do you like girls?"    
  
Tyler chewed a marshmallow before shrugging, "They're pretty, but I don't know. The ones in my youth group are nice," Truth is, Tyler hadn't thought about whether or not he liked girls. It wasn't something he really cared about at the moment.    
  
"Do you think guys are pretty?" Josh asked nervously, sipping his cocoa instantly to attempt to cover up his words. His shoulders visibly loosened when Tyler shrugged at his question.   
  
"I don't look at a lot of guys," Tyler admitted and bit his lip. The only time he had to look at another boy was when he looked at his brother from across the dining table. Or, he had Josh, but that wasn't often enough to count, he'd say.    
  
"Oh," Josh mumbled and looked down at his cocoa. Tyler hummed a quiet reply and stretched out his lanky legs until his feet pressed against Josh's. Josh gave a half smile at Tyler's effort to make him seem cheery, but it was to no avail, "I do. I think boys are pretty—or handsome, whichever one it is. I-I don't think girls are it for me."   
  
Tyler hadn't really heard about women liking women or men like men, but he knew that there were people who felt that way. Josh may or may have been one of them, and Tyler wasn't going to slap a label on his friend until he really figured it out, but he still gave his friend a reassuring smile. It made Josh feel more comfortable than before, because he was confused, but he wanted Tyler to be aware of how he felt and accept him.    
  
"I don't know if anyone's given signals that they wouldn't like that kind of thing, but I'll support you no matter what," Tyler said. He finished his cocoa and put his mug down, then waited for Josh to do the same so he could switch sides and lay on top of Josh.   
  
Josh welcomed him with open arms, then pulled the blanket over both him and Tyler. Tyler felt at home right next to his best friend, and hoped Josh felt the same. He wasn't sure what he'd do if Josh's parents ever called off the Christmas parties, but he was glad that they weren't planning to ever stop unless they really had to.    
  
"Thank you, Ty," Josh mumbled into the fluff of Tyler's hair. The vibrations made Tyler's squishy cheeks become prominent as he giggled at the tickling feeling.    
  
The silence had circulated around them, the music downstairs only being faint. Tyler was honestly almost asleep when Josh's voice had poked through the quiet.   
  
"What if nobody would want someone like me?"   
  
Tyler grunted and rested his cheek against Josh's chest, "You're eleven. Too young for deep thoughts," His speech was slurred due to being half asleep and half of his mouth being pressed to the cotton of a sweater.   
  
"I'm gonna be twelve next year, which is one year away from thirteen. I'm basically a teenager, so I can have these thoughts," Josh defended like a brat, but it made Tyler laugh.    
  
The fluffy haired one calmed his laughter and decided to reply to Josh's question. His now skinny and long fingers brushed through Josh's curls and he spoke, "You're one of the nicest people on this planet. I don't like a lot of people, but I like you. Many people would want to be with you, is what I'm sayin'."   
  
Josh hugged him tight, and the warmth caused Tyler to dull even more into sleep, "Even you? If you felt that way about guys?" Josh asked gently.   
  
"Even me," Tyler assured, "Now let's sleep 'cus I'm tired."   
  
"Alrighty," Josh chuckled, then closed his eyes.   
  


❄❄❄

  
  
Tyler was fourteen now, along with Josh. All of their parents had figured out that they weren't spending time at the party downstairs, but spending it together upstairs. Tyler still hated pretty much everybody except for his parents and Josh, his feelings on Zack being a wildcard most of the time.    
  
More things had changed through the past four years than the four years before that, though. He started going to public school at the beginning of high school, and was opened up to the world of diversity more than he had been before. Over phone calls, Josh would end up crying because ofwhyhe had to like boys the way that he did, instead of girls. _It wasn't fair_. Then, he himself began considering relationships, but didn't know who he'd want to be in one with. The girls in his youth group didn't seem as pretty anymore.   
  
When he walked ahead of his parents, through the door of the Dun household, his eyes began searching for Josh. Things didn't really go as planned, though. Multiple people flooded around him and he couldn't even find his parents. He got handed a bottle of what could be coke, Pepsi, or Dr. Pepper, and then everyone began to ask him what high school was like.   
  
He told them about his classes, about the two teachers that had to have had it out for him even though he was probably the nicest kid in the class. His words kept answering theirs, but his eyes would never meet theirs. He just wanted to see his best friend who hadn't made an appearance yet.    
  
Finally, and quickly enough, Tyler saw Josh's curly head of hair come through. Tyler chugged down his soda and claimed to get another cup, then bid a 'see you later' to everybody. Josh met him in the kitchen with a frown, that Tyler reciprocated. Four other people were in the room, so they kept their voices to a minimum.    
  
"I hate these stupid parties," Tyler muttered, pouring Dr. Pepper into his cup. Josh leaned against the counter behind Tyler and nodded, even though the fluffy haired one couldn't see it, "You're the only part of it that I enjoy."   
  
"Yeah, same," Josh mumbled.    
  
Tyler put down the 2 liter bottle and turned around with half a full cup in his hand. Josh's empty looking eyes took his hand and pulled him past the entrance, up the familiar stairs, and to the door that lead to the study room. They went to the couch and Tyler put down his cup, turning around instantly and enveloping Josh into a hug.    
  
As soon as their arms wrapped around each other, Tyler felt their legs give out and they fell onto the couch. Then the shoulder of Tyler's shirt began to get wet with tears, and Tyler rubbed Josh's back and massaged his head to comfort his best friend.    
  
"I'm sorry, Josh," Tyler sighed with his own tears in his eyes. It hurt to see your best friend crying and hurting.    
  
"I'm going to start liking girls i-instead. This isn't fair!" Josh cried, words muffled against Tyler's shoulder.   
  
"I'm not sure how this really works out, but I don't think you can just stop liking a certain gender like that," Tyler pondered gently, trying  not to push Josh away and make him angry.   
  
Josh shook his head, "I wish I could. Then I wouldn't feel so pressured at school. I-I'm not out to any of them, not even my closest friends there, but I know t-that they're against it."   
  
Josh's school worked differently than Tyler's. Josh's school started high school at 8th grade instead of 9th, so Tyler wouldn't doubt that Josh would know what most of the other teenagers are like.    
  
"This has to be some cruel joke. I've gone to church, I've never failed a test, I do my chores... Why did it have to be me?" Josh asked weakly. Tyler's heart broke at the fragile tone of Josh's voice. He didn't have the answers for Josh, but he wishes that he did. All he could do was cuddle Josh until he stopped crying.    
  
"I can't do much for you," Tyler whispered, "but I can still be here for you."   
  
"That's helping more than you know," Josh replied, cuddling up to Tyler even more.    
  
There were different feelings for Josh that started popping up in Tyler's mind, but he dismissed it the best that he could.    
  


❄❄❄

 

It was three years since then. The year after Tyler ended up cuddling Josh as he cried, Tyler found out he wasn't all that straight. He was surprisingly able to handle it better than Josh had, and Tyler still didn't know if Josh had accepted himself yet or not. But Tyler was coming to the Christmas party separately from his parents and Zack, with Brendon Urie. 

He wasn't sure how, but Brendon Urie ended up being his boyfriend. Brendon wasn't popular or a jock, but he managed to be very well known throughout his high school. Somehow, Brendon's eyes had landed on sixteen going on seventeen year old Tyler and wanted to ask him out.    
  
His parents were fine with his sexuality, which was the biggest thing for him. They encouraged Brendon to come along for the Christmas party, and it made Tyler feel like a lot of weight had been taken off of his shoulders. He'd reminded himself to thank them later on.    
  
When Tyler and Brendon walked through the doors a little late, holding hands, Tyler couldn't deny the fact that he was desperate to see his best friend again. It seemed that roles had been reversed this time, though. Instead of Tyler being crowded, Josh was being crowded. And with a girl. Tyler furrowed his eyes brows and pulled Brendon with him.   
  
"Is something wrong?" Brendon asked curiously, looking over the shoulders of many people to see the person in Tyler's line of sight, "Oh! That's Josh?"   
  
Questions of "how did you get together?" and "she's a keeper" flooded around his ears, and Tyler just knew. He looked to Brendon, not as confused this time, "Yeah, with his girlfriend."   
  
She was pretty, she had long, brown, but almost black hair, and a button nose. Her clothes were a bit more Christmassy than Josh's had ever been during the parties. Despite all of that, they looked like complete opposites; they looked good, but not together.    
  
"Didn't you say that Josh was gay?" Brendon asked.   
  
"Yeah, I did," Tyler glared at Josh as soon as his best friend noticed him. Josh's eyes widened and he said something to his girlfriend before trying to walk past everybody.   
  
Tyler sighed and turned away to pull Brendon with him to the kitchen. The kitchen seemed to fill up more and more each year, with ten people in the medium sized area. Him and Brendon squished against the island and Tyler poured them drinks, taking a first sip of his just as Josh got to them.    
  
"Hey," Josh breathed out, seeming out of breath, "Who's this, Ty?"   
  
Tyler smiled at Brendon and shuffled closer to the ebony haired one, "This is Brendon, my boyfriend," He said.    
  
Josh frowned and raised an eyebrow, but his words went astray from his expression, "Oh, that's nice. I'm Josh," Josh stuck his hand out for Brendon, which Brendon shook. When Josh leaned back again, he looked pointedly towards Tyler, "Do you mind if me and him talked for a bit?" He asked Brendon.   
  
"Go right ahead," Brendon said, eyeing the wine on the opposing counter.    
  
Tyler put his cup down instantly as Josh nodded towards the stairs, so he walked ahead with Josh right behind him. When they got to the study room, Josh closed the door, the harsh sound only being loud enough for them to hear. Tyler leaned against the old desk by the door and crossed his arms with a sour look on his face.   
  
"You didn't tell me that you liked guys, or that you were dating one," Josh scoffed, with an equally angry expression on his features.    
  
"Yeah, well, you didn't tell me that you suddenly liked girls and we're dating one, so," Tyler deadpanned. A huge grudge had slowly formed inside of Tyler towards Josh, and now it was going to get even bigger, and possibly explode. Josh had no right to say anything against him at all.    
  
"That's not the point. I told you that kind of stuff about me, but you never did. Did you not trust me anymore?" Josh asked sadly, eyes losing their harsh stare and figure slumping against the wall.    
  
"You never asked, Josh," Tyler spat, "I wasn't going to say 'Oh, I have a boyfriend and I'm gay!' over the phone. Every time we talk, it's always about you, so why would I want to bring my own life into that?"   
  
Josh gaped, kindly smirking and then stepping forward. He pointed at himself and raised his eyebrows, "Everything was always about me? I'm sorry for confiding in you as someone who I knew enough to trust with all of my problems! Not everything would have been about me, maybe, if you had just told me stuff about your life. You never did."   
  
"Screw you, Josh. You really are fucking selfish. I stayed up on the phone almost every night, listening to you cry about how inconvenient your life was, or how it was all over. I lost sleep because of you, my heart broke for you, I cried because of you. And now, I have to find out that none of it was worth it because you have a girlfriend.   
  
"So, are you straight? Are you not gay anymore, are you more than that? Because last I recalled, girls disgusted you. I bet she loves Christmas, and I bet you love it now too. I wonder if she loves the Christmas parties that you have always hated, but now you love them too. I suppose that I was just a shoulder to cry on and someone to have all of your problems given to, and then I was to be thrown away once you got 'fixed'."   
  
"It was never that way, Tyler, and you know it," Josh grumbled, stepping closer to an even more pissed off Tyler, "Shouldn't you be happy? You'll never have to hear me cry over a static speaker anymore, you don't have to cradle my heart every Christmas Eve. You can get your fucking sleep and maybe Brendon can stitch your broken little heart for you."   
  
Tyler snickered, "Now you just sound jealous and petty. Scared that you won't be number one in my life from now on? I can't say that you ever were."   
  
Tyler gulped and pushed himself so far back that he was half sitting on the desk. Josh had made his way past Tyler's line of boundaries and trapped him against the side of the desk, and made him feel so small that it felt like Josh was towering over him. They looked each other in the eyes for a few seconds, before Josh snapped.   
  
"I'm always going to be first in your life. You can deny it all that you want, but I'm more important than everybody downstairs," Josh muttered, and Tyler hated that it was true. Ever since Tyler first met Josh ten years ago, that had been it. He was ruined for anybody else, especially for Brendon. But could the same be said for Josh about Tyler?   
  
" _Josh_ ," Tyler breathed out, giving out a sense of defeat. He figured by the look in Josh's eyes, Josh would swallow it all up, take Tyler as his own. But they had people waiting for them downstairs, they couldn't hide away in the room of galaxies like they used to. Tyler choked and quickly gulped down the silent plea of want laced through Josh's name, "-we need go back down."   
  
"No—"   
  
"Josh?" A girl's voice called from behind the closed door.    
  
Josh looked at Tyler once more before backing away. Tyler picked up his emotions that had mentally flooded the desk and stood up properly. He watched as Josh walked over and opened the door, his girlfriend eventually coming into view, along with Brendon.    
  
"Sorry, babe. We got caught up in conversation. Just getting ready to head back downstairs," Josh spilled lies like water spilling from a knocked over glass.    
  
Tyler wasn't sure what would have happened if his boyfriend and Josh's girlfriend hadn't intervened, but he believed that it wouldn't just be anymore talking or yelling,    
  
Josh wrapped an arm around his girlfriend's waist and gave a subtle glance to Tyler before leading her downstairs. Brendon walked forward towards him and placed his hands on his waist.   
  
"We heard yelling and then it just went silent," Brendon mumbled, "Are you okay? Did he make you upset? He didn't hurt you, did he? I can bust his ass if he did."   
  
"He-he didn't. It's fine, we just had to get some stuff out of our systems," Tyler gave Brendon a soft smile and then began pulling him back downstairs, "How come you and Josh's girlfriend were together? Did you figure out that you were the significant others of two best friends and then get along instantly?"   
  
Brendon shrugged and grinned, "Something like that. Nothing to worry about, babe," Then pressed a big kiss to Tyler's cheek, the brunet swatting him away with a giggle.   
  
"Did you find out what her name was? I forgot to ask Josh about it."   
  
"Yeah, it's Sarah."   
  
Tyler and Josh hadn't talked for the rest of the party, only making eye contact here and there. Brendon had ended up getting very chatty with other party goers, so Tyler stayed close to Zack's side most of the night. Tyler couldn't let go of what happened in the study room, though, and probably wouldn't until they talked it out next year.    
  


❄❄❄

  
  
A year later, after no phone or Skype calls from Josh, Tyler was going back to the Christmas party with Brendon. Him and Brendon were only going as friends this time, decided that that's what the they worked out better as. Tyler wondered how Josh had been doing with Sarah, but almost didn't want to know out of the bitterness from being avoided for an entire year.   
  
All of his calls had gone to voicemail, his messages had surely been read yet never replied to, and all of his FaceTime calls had been instantly rejected.    
  
When they came through the doors of Josh's house, Brendon walked right over to the kitchen for the supply of wine. Tyler sighed at the fact that nobody would care about them being 18, considering they were high school graduates now and technically adults. He would have to be a designated driver tonight.    
  
Multiple people had congratulated him on finally graduating and had asked him about what colleges he was thinking about. College wasn't something on his mind, really. It went out the door when his time went invested towards piano and ukulele.    
  
It was no fun in the living room area. The fire crackling had brought more heat to his sweater clad torso, and his skin felt like it was burning. His parents and Zack hadn't arrived yet, so he couldn't hide behind any of them. He decided to go to the kitchen where Brendon supposedly was, only to see a familiar girl pressed close to Brendon as they made out.    
  
Tyler's eyes widened and he quickly walked out, running to the back of the house and pulling the back door open to get outside. He pushed the door closed and went over to the closest porch railing to fall on his bottom and rest against. He wasn't exactly disgusted, but what would Josh think if he found out? How could Sarah do that? How could Brendon do that?    
  
"Jesus, Ty, it's freezing," A familiar voice that he hadn't heard in a year spoke. Tyler closed his eyes as the door closed and a warm presence made way next to his, "Why are you out here? You should get back inside, this sweater won't keep you toasty for long," but Tyler's teeth were already chattering.    
  
The brunet took a good look at Josh. His hair had been colored red at the top, and he got a nose ring. He definitely looked different from the last time they saw each other, but Josh's curls were still there. Tyler hoped Josh's curls would never straighten out.    
  
After a moment of staring at Josh, and guiltily contemplating confession, Tyler let it out.   
  
"I saw Brendon and Sarah making out in the kitchen," Tyler confessed, looking at Josh who seemed confused.   
  
"Why the hell would Brendon want to cheat on you?"    
  
"Uh, he's not. We broke up. It's Sarah who's cheating on you," Tyler piped, the coldness making its way to the tips of his ears.    
  
Josh eventually seemed unaffected, "Me and her broke up a while after the last Christmas party.  I guess the both of us being confused is kind of my fault, 'cause I didn't answer any of your calls or messages."   
  
"Yeah, it fucking is your fault, you jerk," Tyler growled, "I was worried sick about you, and then I was mad, and then I was sad. Later on, I became confused on why I even felt any of those things for you, because why would it be worth feeling things for you if you haven't made me anything but miserable and confused?"    
  
"I didn't mean to hurt you," Josh said.   
  
"Why did you and Sarah break up? Were you making her so frustrated that she couldn't stand it too? It couldn't have been as bad for her as it was for me, because she came back tonight."   
  
"You came back too," Josh quietly retorted, eyes looking over to Tyler with slight hesitancy.    
  
"I'm always going to. Even though I still hate these stupid parties. I still hate a lot of people too. But not you. I can't hate you," Tyler admitted almost angrily, standing up and pulling the door open, then gesturing for Josh to get inside. When the back door was closed, Tyler hoped that Brendon and Sarah had made their way out of the kitchen so him and Josh could pass through. Luckily they were in the living room talking to other people, so Tyler lead Josh to the study room.   
  
When they got in the study room, Tyler turned back around on Josh and slammed the door shut with Josh against it. Josh gasped and stood there to take Tyler's escaping thoughts and mend them with his own.    
  
"I can't do this any longer. Four years ago, I started feeling things for you when you cried against me. I didn't want to expand on those feelings though, because you thought the worst of being attracted to guys. And then you got a girlfriend and acted like you had never looked at a guy romantically once, and it honest to God hurt. Me and Brendon—I can't say that I even felt anything past friendship for him, but I wanted to so I could get past you."   
  
Tyler made distance between them halfway through his speech, and Josh looked like a deer in the headlights.    
  
"I feel like I love you, but I don't know. You've hurt me more than anybody else, you've confused me so much, even that confuses me. And now I don't even know if you like dudes at all," Tyler sighed helplessly, giving Josh a glance of hopelessness. He was scared to know what was running through the red head's mind.   
  
"I never liked girls," Josh admitted, "I don't think that I want to. Not when you're right here."   
  
"Sarah didn't deserve that," Tyler said, "I'm stupid for falling in love with you."   
  
"She didn't. I regret what I did and she knows that and has forgiven me," Josh said, "I just need you to forgive me now. I'm the stupid one here and have been for a long time. You're the one who I've wanted since I realized that I liked guys over girls, and I was so idiotic for pushing that away, Tyler.   
  
"I've spent a year trying to accept myself and clean up my messes, and I hope that I've done at least a fair job at it. I'm not going to be that little kid who cries about his inevitable feelings anymore. I want something real now, I want something with you. It's always been you."   
  
"But are you okay with being out to everybody else?" Tyler asked, "Those people down there, they don't care, but there are people who will and who do. And I can't be in a situation if you decide to go back on your courage, end up going back into denial, and hurt me like that again."   
  
Josh's lips parted as he thought over Tyler's words. His eyes read off the answer that Tyler wasn't hoping for, and Tyler nudged a still and silent Josh aside to open the door and leave.    
  


❄❄❄

  
  
_ 364 days later _ .   
  


Tyler just finished up his last essay when his phone vibrated with a message. He saved the essay file on his laptop and shut it down, then opened up his messages.   
  
**JOSH 2:14 PM**   
  
_ Can we meet up somewhere? _ _   
_ _   
_ Tyler swallowed and bit on his lip, anxiously beginning to tap his thumbs against the keyboard.   
  
**TYLER 2:14 PM**   
  
_ Can't it wait for tomorrow? _ _   
_   
**JOSH 2:15 PM**   
  
_ No _ .   
  
**TYLER 2:15 PM**   
  
_ We aren't close to each other _ .   
  
**JOSH 2:15 PM**   
  
_ Can we meet in the middle? _   
  
Tyler didn't understand Josh's persistency.   
  
**TYLER 2:15 PM**   
  
_ Yeah _ .   
  
They had set a checkpoint for an old park that hadn't been up since they were kids. Tyler pulled his car up into a parking spot and scoped the area for Josh's figure. When he saw the person who he was looking for, at the top of a slide, he got out of his car and began walking towards the slide.   
  
"That thing's so old, it might break beneath your weight," Tyler joked dryly, keeping a straight face even when Josh gave a laugh out of a tiny huff, "Why am I here? You'd be seeing me tomorrow, anyways."   
  
Josh slid down the slide and stood in front of Tyler, "Because, I made up my mind and couldn't wait any longer."   
  
"Made up your mind on what?" Tyler asked.   
  
Josh stepped into Tyler's space and put his freezing hands on Tyler's reddened cheeks. He connected their chapped lips and Tyler accepted, puffing out cold air between them through his nose. Tyler took his hands from his pockets and held onto Josh's hips for better support as their bodies lightly rocked back and forth.    
  
When Josh pulled away softly, Tyler took notice of the way how his face had gotten just as red as his, whether it be from the cold temperature or from their kiss, Tyler wouldn't know.    
  
All he knew in the moment, was that he wanted the flavor of Josh's lips back on his.   
  


❄❄❄

  
  
_ 1 day later _ .   


  
"So, me and Josh are together," Tyler said in front of everyone, mainly towards their parents.    
  
"I wasn't exactly confident with my feelings towards Tyler at first, but now, I can easily say that I want to give him the world," Josh admitted nervously, eyeing Tyler and his parents back and forth.    
  
Everyone around them had smiles on their faces, and each of their parents had approving expressions. Tyler's dad had told Josh to take good care of his son, and Josh would try his best to not hurt Tyler so badly like he had before.    
  
Later on, in the study room, both guys laid on the couch and stared up at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling.   
  
"This is the only time I've enjoyed one of these Christmas parties, and I'm still not actually attending it," Tyler snorted.   
  
Josh chuckled, "Maybe they aren't so bad after all."   
  
"Eh, everyone's still tall 'n kind of mean."   
  
.   
  
.   
  
.   
**  
Fin.**   



End file.
